i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
