i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
