i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
