i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
