Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Randomize
