I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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