I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
