I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
