if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
