Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
