She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
