so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize