I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
