I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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