Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
