dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
