My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
