just come out here and I will go home with you...
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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