she was so not down for the gang bang
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
