What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
