i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'm drive I can fine osifer
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
