I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
We need a shit load of segways right now
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
