Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
