$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
