why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
