u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
