let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
