Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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