how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
