I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
