Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
two words...techno handjob
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
