i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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