Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
