he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
