North Korea, Best Korea!
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
