Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
