I'm jealous of your bromance
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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