i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm just crazy horny about you
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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