i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
