We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
