You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
