How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
