Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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