So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
