I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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