Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize