The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
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