How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
