return my video game
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
this is an emotional support booty call
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
