btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
