my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
