you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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