He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
