Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
