the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
