Screwed.edu
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
