somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Randomize
