Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
