I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
