What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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