she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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