At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
