Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
