i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
