Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Floor bacon is actually really good
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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