I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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