youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
