Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
