the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
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