you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Be still, my beating vagina.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
