He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
