Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
